susu... oh susu...

i breastfeed my kaliq until today (ehem.. which only two months)... but mind you.. i'm not doing it exclusively.. meaning my baby is on both breast milk and formula milk. Alhamdulillah.. he has no problem accepting both..
for the first 4 days of kaliq's life.. he was exclusively breastfed.. but on the fourth day.. kaliq is not pooping plus he had a mild jaundice. As a mother, my interest was on kaliq's well being... so i called the hospital ask them to send in the midwives to check on non-pooping kaliq .. they found out kaliq was dehydrated with mild jaundice.. and that is the reason for him not pooping. i had so little milk in me plus the milk passage was blocked.. finally the midwives resort to formula milk.. ( i was soo sad they had to give kaliq's FM.. since i was soo adamant that he only drink my milk!) and right after kaliq finishes the milk.. he pooped! *sigh* i was so relief and at the same time i felt i'm such a hopeless mother who cant breast fed her own child.
that is the start of kaliq's formula milk journey, later i started to pump my milk to be given to kaliq and for few weeks.. he was on 50% formula and 50% breast milk.

to cut the story short, my milk became less and less... and now its like almost 80% formula and 20% breast milk. But i will make sure he breastfed atleast three times a day... so that he will get some of the breast milk benefit.
but today when i read on facebook about ~ baby whom on FM will resembles some characteristic of a cow.. it does hurt.. one of the ladies even suggested that FM should be made only for 6 months and above babies.. but what if a mother could not afford to breastfeed? selfish remark isnt it.. finding alternatives such as finding ibu-susuan.. hmm you can.. but you will need time and also rezeki.. Kalau mmg dah takde sapa.. do you still nak kekalkan ego want to exclusively breastfeed? and jeopardize your child's health?
i ate white carrot, bird's nest, drank fenugreek.. and chinese herbs to increase my milk.. but it doesnt help. I refuse to let my baby go hungry.. am i that selfish resortig to formula milk?

anyway, Allah knows best.. I have tried and I succumbed to the easiness of formula milk. exclusively breastfeeding your child need commitment and one more important thing.. Allah's blessing.. I salute exclusively breastfeeding mothers and at the same time i understand and respect mother's who cant.
no mothers in the world would not want to give the best to their children, but that is all in a day life.. some are blessed with milk and some are not.. either or..
it is an act of love.. to exclusively BF your child or to resort to FM.

for me i will continue BF my son and i will make sure he is full and able to grow well with FM and all i can do is pray that he will be a good man.. not a cow. :P

and to mother's who are blessed with bundle of milk .. bersyukur la.. dont condemn others.

my kaliq @ 14 days